10 Things to do When You're feeling discouraged.

Can we all agree discouragement really sucks?

I'm currently facing something that's really taking a toll on me, if you haven't read any of my previous posts (you should btw) I've mentioned that I'm an extremist. Meaning, that I'm a 0-100 kinda person and it tends to bite me in the ass more times than I'd like... and it's doing it currently!-_-

So basically I'm super discouraged right now and all I want to do is lay in bed all day and feel sorry for myself, but friend... that's not an option. I try to NEVER play the victim role, but I'm a girl and it happens sometimes *smiles*.  Here are ten things I make myself do when I'm feeling discouraged.


1. Listen to positive music

This is a tough one for me, even if it seems simple. Feeling sorry for yourself is the easiest route and it so much easier to listen to something depressing that coincides with your current mood instead of something peppy and motivational. So guys, stay away from that Simple Plan music and turn on the overplayed radio.

2. Talk about it!

LOL. Right. Talk, about your feelings? *sticks out tongue* No way! Too bad dude, get to talking to someone. I suggest you pick a person (or your dog) you actually trust, there's a reason people don't like talking to people. It's typically because the person they once trusted was a penis and made them feel awful about their current circumstances. Also, if the person you're talking to doesn't say much back... don't take that in a negative way, sometimes people are better listeners than talkers. Don't let that little voice in the back of your head tell you, you're being annoying.

3.Reevaluate why you're doing what you're doing 

Pretty self explanatory... why are you in the situation you are in? Does it help feed a passion? Is it a step in the direction of pursuing your passion? Are you doing it for someone who matters or for yourself?  Do the benefits outweigh the costs? Sometimes we have to get out of our head and not only think about "am I happy in this moment". In my current situation in which I'm discouraged I'm honestly not happy, I've gone home sad and have even cried a few times. However, do I see the benefits of pushing through it? Absolutely. Sometimes you have to shut up and take the BS in a shitty situation... but also allow yourself to learn from it.



4.Write about it. (Sup girl )

Well, here we are...
Start a blog. Write a poem. Journal.
I literally do all three *nervous giggle* I'M EMOTIONAL OKAY! ...Don't judge me.

5. Do not post depressing things across social media.
As tempting as it may be to hop on Twitter and start re-tweeting depressing things, delete the app for the day instead. Read positive quotes on Tumblr. I make myself watch vines, it typically works for me. Basking in your sadness and not trying to help yourself only makes it worse. Don't be the depressed kid on social media, that's how you lose followers.

Yeah, because you're depressing...

6. Be realistic and practical
Being realistic and practical is extremely difficult for me. Remember that whole extremist thing we talked about?  Recently I've been trying to be positive Paula... but in all honesty it's not working out. Plus, I feel like it's more realistic (ha.) to ask someone to think about the pros and cons rather than just the pros. So don't be negative Nancy or positive Paula. Try being realistic Rachel and practical Patrica  they're so much cooler anyways. Think about all the view points and then when you're not crying in your pillow... be realistic about the options that you have. Make the practical decision, not the emotional one.

 .

7.Read the Bible or positive quotes
I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, so when I'm feeling discouraged I like to read the book of James... it's all about wisdom and I find myself learning new things every time I
read it. I also go on pintrest and pin positive quotes  *smiles big*... hashtag basic,












8.Put a little extra time into yourself that morning
I don't need makeup to feel beautiful about myself, but I enjoy it and the process of putting it on. I like learning new tricks and makeup looks, so whenever I'm feeling discouraged I like to take a little extra time in the morning and do a full face of makeup. It feels good to do it, and the compliments throughout the day don't hurt.

... 

9. Leave the past in the past

This one is probably my biggest struggle at the current moment, I keep looking back on the past and thinking about how it was soo much better and I enjoyed it sooo much more and I just want it back. The past is in the past for a reason. Leave it there. It was great while it lasted but now you're onto bigger and different things, and that's okay. You're never going to learn to be okay with your current situations if you keep comparing them to the last ones

10. You can say next.
If the situation is really taking a toll on you, don't forget the most important word... No. Say it with me now, N-O.  You are allowed to look at a situation and recognize that this is not good for your mental and or physical heath and in the words of my wise high school dance coach, "you can say next, and move onto the next opportunity", tell'em boy bye. LOVE YOU CHAMBERS.

Please fall In Love With Something Other than A Person.

I dunno, like a tractor *Cue She Thinks My Tractors Sexy!*

Wow, I haven't written in awhile.

What's on my restless mind tonight you ask? Well, love... love is on my mind. I'm not specifically talking about love in a relationship aspect... If I'm being honest I'm talking about the complete opposite. So, get that significant other out of your head that you are currently in love with, or that broke your heart because they're not the topic at hand right now. I'm talking about the kind of love that fixed your heart or give you purpose in life. So let me ask you this, when was the first time you fell in love with....

life. A craft. An idea, or a moment?

I'm not going to tell you mine, due to me telling the internet everything because let's be honest... I'm kinda a social media whore... I mean, I gotta save some secrets to keep me interesting!

My first high school musical. 

Too often we take the first time we fall in love for granted and only remember when what we love broke us instead of how it changed us. We experience it wildly, we let it consume every inch of our body and we fall madly in love with it. We don't understand what we did without it in the first place and when it ends we focus on the heartbreak and not what it contributed to us as a person.

I remember the first time I fell in love with performing. I have been involved with dance, theater and around music my whole life.

As a young child I would catch my mom in the living room dancing, or writing a play at her desk and you could count on my older brother singing a boys ll Men song in the kitchen 99 percent of the time. Performing is in my blood it's who I am, so to not do it ever again would be devastating.


I can pin point the time in my life where I said to myself... "Wow, I really love this and I can not live without it." I can also pin point when performing broke my spirit and I lost myself for a little. I often reminisce on the moment in my life where performing was an enemy rather than how it saved me from a lot of my own undoings, and still till this day I focus on the bad and the hurt it caused me rather than what joy it still gives me. How nothing other than when I'm performing matters... I am fearless, unstoppable and in those moments nobody can say anything that'll make me doubt myself. Why don't I focus on that when someone brings up theater, instead of how awful my high school theater experience was? ..... Clearly I'm still bitter about that... ha.ha.ha anywayssssss.

My point is don't be me. Don't be negative in your craft, a person or a moment in which you gained a new perspective or understanding about life. Embrace it! Let that wild love take over, and if or when it leaves... don't be bitter. Don't dwell on the fact that it's gone, don't focus on only the bad and annoying things that happened and don't, be the victim. When another opportunity presents itself like that one before (because one will) I beg you, don't love it cautiously... throw all of yourself into it all over again.

That's all I got for for you now city dreamers
XOXO Des.

Until Next Season.

Hey guys! I hope you're all doing well tonight or today! Today I wanted to talk about something that has really brought clarity to who I am, who I want to be and what I want to do for the rest of my life.. so lets dive into the rare lighter part of my mind.

 I started coaching a varsity high school dance team this past November and the season is slowly coming to an end, and when I say slowly... I mean VERY slow..too slow if I'm being honest. As I look back on the couple of months that I was teaching practice every single weekday from three to five.  (and sometimes much later!) I truly have learned a lot about myself, working with other people, respecting authority, (If you know me, you know I laugh in the face of authority!) and how to work with a group of teenage females. These are all things I thought I knew very well, I mean I have a younger sister how hard could teenage girls really be? Well homeboy! They are not easy, and kinda scary if I'm being honest. 

I started coaching later in the season due to some misunderstandings, but that wasn't going to hold me back! I am beyond passionate about teenagers and dance! I would never deny any opportunity to be involved with both. Understandably, the girls didn't take a liking to me at first (and some still don't like me) but I wasn't there for a popularity contest, I was there to challenge them as dancers and to expand their definition of the word "dance" and if I did anything else in the process that's awesome! If I didn't that's cool too. 

There was an obnoxious amount of drama from day one, before I was even part of the coaching staff and it just got worse with time. "So and so said this", "I don't like this girl" , "I dance better than everyone", "why does she get to be captain?"... blah blah blah. It had been never ending. Routines weren't done in time, a coach had to leave the team, this person only wanted to learn hip hop dances, this person couldn't do this move, there was someone sick every practice. When I tell you the drama was endless... it was endless! I wanted to quite so many times! I wanted to yell and scream and say bad words but there was one thing holding me back from doing all of the above. Any guesses? I'll wait...It's one word.... anything? 

Passion. My passion kept me grounded and reminded me why I was there in the first place! It wasn't so my routines looked amazing and everyone got every move, It wasn't for endless praise for spending my evenings coaching a bunch of emotional teenage girls, it wasn't for Instagram likes and proving myself  to the dance world. I was there to challenge them as dancers! Which I truly believe I did. However, they challenged me way more! They challenged me as a person, an educator, a coach, a dancer and my patients... they definitely challenged my patients. Within that they confirmed what I wasn't a 100% sure of, Secondary education. I now fully believe that God has put that calling on my life. After coaching and having this experience  I'm so excited and scared to continue on this journey. What had really made it all worth the drama and stress was seeing the light in my dancers faces when they were excited about a dance or the light turn on after working so hard to get a move and finally not only getting it, but nailing it! Yes, this season was stressful, unpredictable, crazy, and endless drama! But it was also informative, fun, exciting and totally worth the endless drama. I'm so excited for next season!
That's all for not city dreamers,
XOXO
Des.   

A Chick Flick Worthy Moment.

This one goes out to my lady readers!

If this doesn't cause you to "AW!" than I'm convinced you don't have a heart, and need to watch chick flicks until you cry.

I have a boyfriend and his name is Josh; and he's pretty much the sweetest, kindest and most loving guy that I know. He has the biggest heart and cares so much for people, always looking at the best in them and situations. (I'm a very lucky girl) To a point, that's kinda what this blog is about..bragging on how blessed I am to have Josh in my life.

I believe there's always that tipping point in relationship, were females like to test their boyfriends to see if they're "mind readers." Aka end up doing what we would expect some guy to do from a Nicholas Sparks book. You know, send us one-hundred red roes after a fight that we *pauses*...... probably picked, show up at your house in the pouring rain ready to confess his dying love for you, or says the big statement that shows everyone you're HIS girl and he LOVES you! You guys know what I'm talking about,"nobody puts Baby in a corner" come on, we all melted when Patrick said it. Getting to what I'm trying to get to here, sadly I'm no exception to picking a little fight with my Josh to see if he's reaction would be chick flick worthy, surprisingly it totally was! 

Me and Josh usually only see each other on the weekends because we live an hour from one another, which leaves me a little more clingy than usual. We talk on the phone every night for at least two hours and Josh is usually the one who ends up going to bed first, partly because he's way more responsible than me and partly because I just don't sleep very well at night (You guys know that). So it annoys me every time he wants to go to sleep because we don't see each other a ton, I just want to stay on the phone with him all night and I'm needy... *flips hair* whatever. How I'm feeling isn't a secret though, he's well aware. He cares but not enough to stay up with me. (LOL. Pretty much the only time he tells me no) He was over my apartment one Saturday and we had hung out really late the night before, so we had just laid in bed all day watching TV and talking, well...  It was getting to about 3pm and he had said he was going to head back to his buddy's house.... I'm thinking; it's not even late, I never get to see you, stay with me! He had agreed on staying a little longer but that wasn't good enough for me, so I pushed the subject a little more which caused a little argument to break out, and then he became so stern with me and said in a very serious voice "And another thing, when I say I need to get off the phone I need to go... I'm tired" and that right there brought tears to my eyes and I was pretty much like, 100% done with him right now. He was mean and serious and I can't deal with that. So I put my face in the pillow and was like "Okay, you can leave now, just go" insistently being the sweet man that Josh is, was like " I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. Talk to me" and I'm just like "Nope, lol.. seriously leave... like yesterday, just go" and so he says bye and leaves.

Now ladies, we both know that was the wrong choice. When we say go away, we don't actually mean it.. if anything we mean "hug me more and tell me you love me". *Rolls eyes* Boys.

Well,

about ten minutes later I hear my front door open again and I'm thinking "roommates" but nope,  my perfect boyfriend walks in and climes back into bed with me and hugs me tight. Trying to play off the "mad mood" I'm like "what are you doing?" and Josh responses with "I just can't leave you like this"  ******PAUSE*

*IS THAT NOT THE SWEETEST CHICK FLICK WORTHY MOMENT LIKE EVER!?

We cute.

and after he said that, I turned over and smiled to myself and I knew for a fact in that moment I can't ever let this guy go, he chased after me in a sense. It didn't take three days  or a year. It took him ten minutes to look pride in the face and say, this girl is important to me and she needs to know that.  







That's all I have for you now city dreamers
If you guys have any questions or want to tell me about a worthy chick flick moment between you and your bae email me! Destinyholloway55@gmail.com

Keep on dreaming,
xoxo,
Des.

Being A Father Is Tricky, But So Is Being A Daughter.

My mother, me and My real father (Anthony "mafia" Holloway

I found myself wondering about my last name tonight.... Holloway... what does that even mean, you know? Like, where's it from and why do we have it? I found myself searching Google like a mad women! Wondering who else bared the same name as I. I pretty much know nothing about my fathers side of the family, he isn't around much and we don't really have an awesome relationship; partly my fault and partly his. My point is, I'm very curious to who I'm related to and what kind of African American background I come from. The odd part about this was I ended up Googleing my fathers name or better yet his stage name, Anthony "mafia" Holloway. If you're familiar with karat you've probably heard his name tossed around a time or two, if not I'll elaborate for you. My father is a world wide karat champion, and very well known throughout the karat circle. Apparently he's amazing, I don't doubt it... us Holloways are a talented bunch from what I've read about past Holloways, and me and my older brother haven't disappointed. Getting back to my point here, yes I was and still am curious about my last name but I found myself being more curious about my father than the last name. As I started watching videos dating all the way back to 1993 of him competing, reading interviews and looking at pictures; I felt it, an emptiness that I truly thought I filled or closed the door to or something. The longing of just wanting to know everything about him.. his favorite color, his favorite place to eat, stories of his childhood, tv shows he liked but, I don't think that will ever be possible...partly because of me, partly because of him. I become a strange person when I  get around him... I can't really explain it..... I just become not me. I really want to show him who I am but I'm afraid to, because if he rejects me for who I'm really not it wont hurt as bad because I can offer him more...but if he rejects me for who I really am I have nothing else to offer him, which would leave me not being good enough for him. Which I know that I am! But I just can't do it.

I've had a step dad since I was 3 years old. His name is Pablo and for the most part he's been a very good man to my family, always putting food on the table and getting us what we need when needed. Our relationship is rocky, and I often wonder if he truly loves me as a daughter, or he's had to grow to love me for my mother. It matters and there is a difference.

I was reading a few things on the subject of growing up without a father,What the effects are for young females and I found these four,

This would be me, my older brother Mafia, Mom, Step dad Pablo and little sister liv

• Self esteem issues 
• Self-image
• Confidence and opinions of men

 I consider myself growing up without a father.... even though I have a step dad, He's not a bad dad but he's not the "my daughter is the apple of my eye" type dad. I can sometimes even see how he treats my younger sister differently, I don't even think he notices it... I get it..she's blood, I'm not.
But those four effects that are listed above, I don't really have.... I think its a combo of having a pretty awesome strong women for a mother and serving an awesome God, not an earthly father. 

I guess what I've come to realize throughout this blog is few things,

1. My mom is pretty amazing, and I'm glad she always told me I was beautiful as a child, and told me that she loved me and I am worth something (Kids need to hear that crap parents). Shaping my mind to understand that I don't need a mans approval to feel worthy of anything.

2. That there are spaces in your heart that only your real father can fill, and I shouldn't expect somebody else to fill them.

3. Don't let not having a father hinder you from becoming and loving who you are.

And four. Growing up knowing Jesus Christ as my father above, has played a major part in my life and if you yourself are lacking in father department... you have got to get to know this guy I call Daddy! His love is overwhelming, ask me about it..seriously.

That's all I have for you today, I worked really hard on this blog for you guys...I wrote it as if I was writing in my journal. I really hope you as a reader can understand were I'm coming from with this, and see my heart.

If you have any questions or want to share something with me, email me at, DestinyHolloway55@gmail.com

That's all for now city dreamers, keep on dreaming
xoxo,
Des.

L.I.V

Yooooo! What's up guys, It's been a few weeks and there's been a few positive changes going on, which is really exciting because nothings really been going my way since the middle of August.
First things first I'm the realest ... ha just kidding. But I don't think I fully explained to some of my readers that I'm not actually in Boston right now. I don't really feel like going into detail about it just yet, because its still a really touchy and sad subject for me, Aka Destiny is really bitter about not being in the city of her dreams. However, I will be living in Charlotte which is a lot better than this small town I thought I would be stuck in forever. I'm going to the Art Institute for fashion marketing, I think I'll really like it there, I've always had a heart for fashion but never thought about pursuing it as a career. After I finish there I plan to attend a small state university, where? Honestly... I have no idea I have a check list for what I'm looking for in a school... not where... I'm open to anywhere in the country.

 But that's later on in life... for now your girl is a fashion major and in 2 days I move into my new apartment with three other girls, and to say I'm excited is pretty much the biggest understatement of my life! I'll post pictures of it and give you the 411 on my roommates too(; Leaving home is a pretty bittersweet thing... more sweet than bitter but there are somethings I'm going to miss for sure! Like crawling into my moms bed when there's a thunderstorm and more than anything, my little sister.

Let me tell you a little bit about her..

My little sister is my best friend... I don't know if that's sad or sweet... but she truly is my favorite person. She's the biggest dork I know with so much sass, I like laying in bed with her and giving her boy advice (which honestly she shouldn't take from me because I seriously know like nothing..but whatever) I love when she attacks me with tickles even when I threaten to pull her hair out if she doesn't stop, I love helping her pick out outfits and even though I pretend like I hate when she borrows my clothes....I secretly love that she thinks my clothes are cool enough to wear. I'm gonna miss that little nut! I hope I never let her down, and that I'm always there for her when she needs me; even if I am an hour away and doing my own thing. I hope I've shown her I love her enough for her to know that I would drop anything for her if she really needed me. As I sit here now tearing up a little because I'm stupid and dump.. I've realized I've never cared about anybody more (other than parents of course, HI MOM!!)  than her. She makes me want to be a better person so I never let her down, I love you liv and thank you.. I'm always here for you, whenever you need me.

This post is pretty short and sweet, but leaving my sister is the only thing I can put into words right now, youll be hearing a lot more from me. I've previously been blogging off my Ipad... but now I have my new laptop (Thanks dad!!!) so you'll be hearing a lot more from me.

That's all for now city dreamers
xoxo
Des.

"My first kiss went a little like this"

Can you guess what this post is about? 

Kissing? you guest it.. This post is about.. Wait for it... Kissing! 

It's 4AM and I'm up thinking about kissing... Not the sweet kind that you actually want, but the fact that I've had some really interesting kissing situations. 

Warning to family; this post is about me kissing.. If that bothers you, I suggest you don't read it(; 

Okay, now that we've got that out of the way, I'll start. 

I'll begin with my first real kiss, not counting this boy named Adam in first grade that I kissed; and then wipped my mouth after walking away saying, "ew". I was sassy and opinionated even at a young age! anyways... 

I waited a good while for my first kiss ( atleast compared to my friends) I was 16, seconded semester of sophomore year around May. (my 17th birthday was in June.. So almost 17) I was at a party, not even a party.. A big "hangout"  ( I'm changing the names of these gentlemen too btw) at a friends house with... I wanna say my cousin, or friend Emily... I'm not entirely sure. But we were there, and so was my elementary school crush. I seriously had the biggest crush on this kid, he was mixed and had these green eyes, and freckles and he was taller than me... which in elementary school, is a big deal! Fourth through fifth grade I was absolutely obsessed with him, and so was every other girl in elementary school. For some reason though, between us...ha....he didn't like me....and I don't understand why!? because your girl was sexy and fine... Okay. Honestly, I wasn't lookin too cute in elementary school... but still! I had a great personality... I guess that explains why he only wanted to be friends...?...But we were really good friends. He hung out at my house, we talked on the phone all the time ( before 5th graders had cell phones) he knew my brother and my mom really liked him. So we really were good friends. (What should we call him....will call him Jeff!) "Jeff"ended up moving in middle school and we didn't stay in contact very much because of his move, and life, So for the first time in about five years we saw each other. (And thank god your girl was lookin mighty cute that night) there was instant flirtatious comments said and questions beating around the bush of: "are you with anybody" or "are you talking to someone" and we each weren't. This is the part I'm confused about,  and not exactly sure how or what happened. I remember not seeing him in the living room, curious to where he went, I went to the dining room to look for him and saw him just sitting there; I leaned up against the wall and was kind of joking around with him about elementary school, asked him what he was doing in here alone... And  he didn't say much,  just got up and pulled my hands over to him and sat back down..... And leanded in and kissed me!!! It was so smooth and simple and natural and genuine I was so impressed lol. But how was the kiss? Ehhh, it wasn't bad... it was just empty. Make sense because my feelings for him were in fourth and fith grade and obviously they weren't there anymore. I did however do the dumbest thing in the world, because I don't know what you say after someone kisses you for the first time....  I blurted out

"That was my First kiss!!" And he said "oh really.." and kissed me again and asked if I wanted to go upstairs. I bluntly declined and said no, and then left. Me and Jeff are still really good friends today. 

The Second time was awful, lol I think it's because I was still learning how to kiss?.. And Jeff who I previously kissed was mixed and had really full lips, and was really good at whatever he did... And jeff told me I was good kisser, soooo..you're welcome(; The second person I kissed was white, and skinny and his name was ...."Doug"....and it was just awful! I just didn't understand that most white people don't have full lips like myself and Jeff, and I didn't understand how it worked. I think I was just kissing his teeth ...and it was a just an overall bad experience.... Goes to say sometimes things are little awkward between me and "Doug"... but I didn't know what I was doing, it was my second time, his lips were almost none existent and yeah.hahah. 

After those two interesting experiences, Ive decided to save my kissing for people I actually like. 

I hope you guys enjoyed this happier blog post! If you have any questions or want to share your first kiss stories with me, please do! You can email me at Destinyholloway55@gmail.com 

 That's all for now city dreamers 

Xoxo 

Gossip Girl...

Ha! JUST KIDDING 

Des(;