I find myself often apologizing for my unfavored opinions or thought processes, I ask that when you read this post or my blog as a whole that you look at my heart instead of heavily disagreeing with me or jumping to conclusions, I don't know your struggles but I'm done apologizing for my own, the observations that I've made, and or my own personal experiences. So, here we go... are you ready?
I have always thought of myself as too worldly for the church and too christ like for the world, which tends to leave me with a strong taste of rejection in mouth far too often than I'd like. I would love to be your stereotype of a christian who prays when you're suppose to, who says amen at just the right time, and who goes on mission trips and takes pictures with little poor children that I'll never see again. I've even tried to be that, but that's NOT who I am... it would be so much easier if I was trust me. It's also not negative if that's who you are, the body of christ needs people just like that to reach people I probably can't. However I shouldn't, you shouldn't and the church shouldn't tear people down who are not that. I'm just as important to the body as someone like that is, and it's sad that it's taken me 21 years and even still trying to convince myself that I'm worthy and good enough to be apart of something bigger than who I am.
I remember one time when I was about ten years old, my older brother and I were in our basement playroom and he was beating me up (as older brothers do) and he wouldn't stop. I was screaming, kicking do anything that would make him stop and get off, surprise it didn't work. So I yelled "Get off me bitch!!!". (LOL) Guess what, he got off me and then told me he was gonna tell my mom on me. I pushed him and ran up the stairs and told on myself instead.
That moment has stuck with me for so long, When my brother told me he was gonna tell on me I didn't cry and beg him not to or try to blackmail him. (which happened a lot when we got older) I realized what I did was wrong and I wanted my mom to hear it from me not someone else. That's how I look at myself as a follower of christ. I am not perfect, I don't think I'm better than someone who doesn't believe what I believe and I make mistakes all the time. I just prefer for people to see me for who I truly am, I'm not putting on a show so the world or the church will judge me less or value me more. I simply just love Jesus Christ and thats it.
XOXO City Dreamers.
I have always thought of myself as too worldly for the church and too christ like for the world, which tends to leave me with a strong taste of rejection in mouth far too often than I'd like. I would love to be your stereotype of a christian who prays when you're suppose to, who says amen at just the right time, and who goes on mission trips and takes pictures with little poor children that I'll never see again. I've even tried to be that, but that's NOT who I am... it would be so much easier if I was trust me. It's also not negative if that's who you are, the body of christ needs people just like that to reach people I probably can't. However I shouldn't, you shouldn't and the church shouldn't tear people down who are not that. I'm just as important to the body as someone like that is, and it's sad that it's taken me 21 years and even still trying to convince myself that I'm worthy and good enough to be apart of something bigger than who I am.
I remember one time when I was about ten years old, my older brother and I were in our basement playroom and he was beating me up (as older brothers do) and he wouldn't stop. I was screaming, kicking do anything that would make him stop and get off, surprise it didn't work. So I yelled "Get off me bitch!!!". (LOL) Guess what, he got off me and then told me he was gonna tell my mom on me. I pushed him and ran up the stairs and told on myself instead.That moment has stuck with me for so long, When my brother told me he was gonna tell on me I didn't cry and beg him not to or try to blackmail him. (which happened a lot when we got older) I realized what I did was wrong and I wanted my mom to hear it from me not someone else. That's how I look at myself as a follower of christ. I am not perfect, I don't think I'm better than someone who doesn't believe what I believe and I make mistakes all the time. I just prefer for people to see me for who I truly am, I'm not putting on a show so the world or the church will judge me less or value me more. I simply just love Jesus Christ and thats it.
"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God "
Romans 3:23
XOXO City Dreamers.
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