Sex.

You guys, I'm on a creative roll right now and I'm not sure if its simply because I'm not up doing homework till 3am, dancing 10 plus hours a week or coaching but I'm happy to be able to do what I love during break without any distractions... creating art. All of my blogs that I write are typically inspired by someone, a moment or a life event. Sometimes it's very clear other times not so much. Depending on the person, I like to keep them guessing.

(that's if they even read it)

This post is inspired by a really good friend of mine, who's going to remain anonymous. Just know I love you, God loves you and you are so beyond worthy of great and wonderful things.

Sooo, let's do this!


If you know me you know I hate getting involved in other peoples "love life" or "relationships".  I just don't think it's any of my business and I'm going to have a bias opinion because, girl power... duh? But seriously, I don't like to get involved because I don't even know what I'm doing with my own love life currently or how to do a love life? So you probably shouldn't take my love life advice, it might get you dumped.

However, against my better judgement I'm gonna give you some today anyways. LOL.

 I received my purity ring in 6th grade, deciding and making a promise to God that I wouldn't have sex before marriage and that I would wait for my husband. A lot of people that tend to make that promise usually attended some purity youth conference or purity night with awesome lights, emotional music and 10 steps to take when you're being tempted. I never had that experience. (I did go to one in high school with a friend, pretty lit) I had more of a personal conversation with God. Not having sex before marriage was a moral my mom stressed, She explained to me that when I felt ready to make that promise (if I wanted to ) that we would pray about it together and make it happen.
     I want to stress that my desision to not have sex was never pushed upon me or something I had to do, it was an option and a real commitment made between me and God... not a religious view point being shoved down my throat by my church or parents. It's still the same way today... my choice and my promise. Because I know Gods will is far more greater than any plans for amazing or awkward nights.

 I tend to have a lot of conversations about sex due to the fact that I'm still a virgin or maybe my age?... whatever. It's sometimes me asking questions to my very sex positive roommate or talking to friends who don't believe in sex before marriage like me and the struggle of that choice. Sex is just a very common conversation currently in my life, and I honestly don't mind it... It should be openly talked about. It isn't something I really struggle with and I'm not sure if it's because I'm super hard headed and have already made my mind up on the topic. Sex before marriage is something I will absolutely not budge on... Sorry homeboy nothing is  happen over here in that department unless I have a Tiffany's ring on my finger. *smiles* Thanks.


So the conversation started like most sex conversations start for me. "But how do you not give in when kisses are flowing and hands are touching?" I explained that because sex isn't really difficult for me I didn't feel  I was qualified to answer or give her advice. I told her in all honesty when making out is getting to hot and heavy for me I just simply say no, or tell that person we need to take a break for awhile. I've even quoted a bible verse once and if that isn't a instant mood killer I don't know what is.

We continued discussing that topic an then she went on to tell me how upset and lonely she feels. That she longs for intimacy with someone, she feels weak and that if she doesn't have sex with that person they won't want to stay with her. She doesn't want to be alone, she wants someone to hold her and to be there for her. She's torn between her relationship with Christ and her relationships with men. She told me she feels convicted not condemned. (which I think is important) Due to the fact that she's been praying for her future husband to be a pure and a godly man, she then preceded to ask something that actually spoke to me, "Des how can I ask god for a pure and godly man when I'm not even pure?"

Wow.

I went on to explain to her that I'm constantly praying for my husband too, I pray for his day, his job or school and his family. I pray that my husband will love Jesus 100% more than me and that the center of his life is God, I also pray that I'll be able to give him the same exact thing back. My beautiful friend(s), we all sin and fall short of the glory of God. No sin is worse than the other... if your partner only finds purity through being a virgin that's not the person you've been praying for.

I encouraged her to think about why Christ was convicting her so hard. I ended the conversation with "I love you and you're worthy, but it might be time for you to trade your lust in for some faith"

She replied back:"It's like I have to hand over my sin, so he'll hand me something better. It just clicked"

Bingo.


XOXO

Des.

Too Worldly for The Church and Too Christ Like for the World

I find myself often apologizing for my unfavored opinions or thought processes, I ask that when you read this post or my blog as a whole that you look at my heart instead of heavily  disagreeing with me or jumping to conclusions, I don't know your struggles but I'm done apologizing for my own, the observations that I've made, and or my own personal experiences. So, here we go... are you ready?


I have always thought of myself as too worldly for the church and too christ like for the world, which tends to leave me with a strong taste of rejection in mouth far too often than I'd like. I would love to be your stereotype of a christian who prays when you're suppose to, who says amen at just the right time, and who goes on mission trips and takes pictures with little poor children that I'll never see again. I've even tried to be that, but that's NOT who I am... it would be so much easier if I was trust me. It's also not negative if that's who you are, the body of christ needs people just like that to reach people I probably can't. However I shouldn't, you shouldn't and the church shouldn't tear people down who are not that. I'm just as important to the body as someone like that is, and it's sad that it's taken me 21 years and even still trying to convince myself that I'm worthy and good enough to be apart of something bigger than who I am.

I remember one time when I was about ten years old, my older brother and I were in our basement playroom and he was beating me up (as older brothers do) and he wouldn't stop. I was screaming, kicking do anything that would make him stop and get off, surprise it didn't work. So I yelled "Get off me bitch!!!". (LOL)  Guess what, he got off me and then told me he was gonna tell my mom on me. I pushed him and ran up the stairs and told on myself instead.

That moment has stuck with me for so long, When my brother told me he was gonna tell on me I didn't cry and beg him not to or try to blackmail him. (which happened a lot when we got older) I realized what I did was wrong and I wanted my mom to hear it from me not someone else. That's how I look at myself as a follower of christ. I am not perfect, I don't think I'm better than someone who doesn't believe what I believe and I make mistakes all the time. I just prefer for people to see me for who I truly am,  I'm not putting on a show so the world or the church will judge me less or value me more. I simply just love Jesus Christ and thats it.

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God "

 Romans 3:23

XOXO City Dreamers.