A Chick Flick Worthy Moment.

This one goes out to my lady readers!

If this doesn't cause you to "AW!" than I'm convinced you don't have a heart, and need to watch chick flicks until you cry.

I have a boyfriend and his name is Josh; and he's pretty much the sweetest, kindest and most loving guy that I know. He has the biggest heart and cares so much for people, always looking at the best in them and situations. (I'm a very lucky girl) To a point, that's kinda what this blog is about..bragging on how blessed I am to have Josh in my life.

I believe there's always that tipping point in relationship, were females like to test their boyfriends to see if they're "mind readers." Aka end up doing what we would expect some guy to do from a Nicholas Sparks book. You know, send us one-hundred red roes after a fight that we *pauses*...... probably picked, show up at your house in the pouring rain ready to confess his dying love for you, or says the big statement that shows everyone you're HIS girl and he LOVES you! You guys know what I'm talking about,"nobody puts Baby in a corner" come on, we all melted when Patrick said it. Getting to what I'm trying to get to here, sadly I'm no exception to picking a little fight with my Josh to see if he's reaction would be chick flick worthy, surprisingly it totally was! 

Me and Josh usually only see each other on the weekends because we live an hour from one another, which leaves me a little more clingy than usual. We talk on the phone every night for at least two hours and Josh is usually the one who ends up going to bed first, partly because he's way more responsible than me and partly because I just don't sleep very well at night (You guys know that). So it annoys me every time he wants to go to sleep because we don't see each other a ton, I just want to stay on the phone with him all night and I'm needy... *flips hair* whatever. How I'm feeling isn't a secret though, he's well aware. He cares but not enough to stay up with me. (LOL. Pretty much the only time he tells me no) He was over my apartment one Saturday and we had hung out really late the night before, so we had just laid in bed all day watching TV and talking, well...  It was getting to about 3pm and he had said he was going to head back to his buddy's house.... I'm thinking; it's not even late, I never get to see you, stay with me! He had agreed on staying a little longer but that wasn't good enough for me, so I pushed the subject a little more which caused a little argument to break out, and then he became so stern with me and said in a very serious voice "And another thing, when I say I need to get off the phone I need to go... I'm tired" and that right there brought tears to my eyes and I was pretty much like, 100% done with him right now. He was mean and serious and I can't deal with that. So I put my face in the pillow and was like "Okay, you can leave now, just go" insistently being the sweet man that Josh is, was like " I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. Talk to me" and I'm just like "Nope, lol.. seriously leave... like yesterday, just go" and so he says bye and leaves.

Now ladies, we both know that was the wrong choice. When we say go away, we don't actually mean it.. if anything we mean "hug me more and tell me you love me". *Rolls eyes* Boys.

Well,

about ten minutes later I hear my front door open again and I'm thinking "roommates" but nope,  my perfect boyfriend walks in and climes back into bed with me and hugs me tight. Trying to play off the "mad mood" I'm like "what are you doing?" and Josh responses with "I just can't leave you like this"  ******PAUSE*

*IS THAT NOT THE SWEETEST CHICK FLICK WORTHY MOMENT LIKE EVER!?

We cute.

and after he said that, I turned over and smiled to myself and I knew for a fact in that moment I can't ever let this guy go, he chased after me in a sense. It didn't take three days  or a year. It took him ten minutes to look pride in the face and say, this girl is important to me and she needs to know that.  







That's all I have for you now city dreamers
If you guys have any questions or want to tell me about a worthy chick flick moment between you and your bae email me! Destinyholloway55@gmail.com

Keep on dreaming,
xoxo,
Des.

Being A Father Is Tricky, But So Is Being A Daughter.

My mother, me and My real father (Anthony "mafia" Holloway

I found myself wondering about my last name tonight.... Holloway... what does that even mean, you know? Like, where's it from and why do we have it? I found myself searching Google like a mad women! Wondering who else bared the same name as I. I pretty much know nothing about my fathers side of the family, he isn't around much and we don't really have an awesome relationship; partly my fault and partly his. My point is, I'm very curious to who I'm related to and what kind of African American background I come from. The odd part about this was I ended up Googleing my fathers name or better yet his stage name, Anthony "mafia" Holloway. If you're familiar with karat you've probably heard his name tossed around a time or two, if not I'll elaborate for you. My father is a world wide karat champion, and very well known throughout the karat circle. Apparently he's amazing, I don't doubt it... us Holloways are a talented bunch from what I've read about past Holloways, and me and my older brother haven't disappointed. Getting back to my point here, yes I was and still am curious about my last name but I found myself being more curious about my father than the last name. As I started watching videos dating all the way back to 1993 of him competing, reading interviews and looking at pictures; I felt it, an emptiness that I truly thought I filled or closed the door to or something. The longing of just wanting to know everything about him.. his favorite color, his favorite place to eat, stories of his childhood, tv shows he liked but, I don't think that will ever be possible...partly because of me, partly because of him. I become a strange person when I  get around him... I can't really explain it..... I just become not me. I really want to show him who I am but I'm afraid to, because if he rejects me for who I'm really not it wont hurt as bad because I can offer him more...but if he rejects me for who I really am I have nothing else to offer him, which would leave me not being good enough for him. Which I know that I am! But I just can't do it.

I've had a step dad since I was 3 years old. His name is Pablo and for the most part he's been a very good man to my family, always putting food on the table and getting us what we need when needed. Our relationship is rocky, and I often wonder if he truly loves me as a daughter, or he's had to grow to love me for my mother. It matters and there is a difference.

I was reading a few things on the subject of growing up without a father,What the effects are for young females and I found these four,

This would be me, my older brother Mafia, Mom, Step dad Pablo and little sister liv

• Self esteem issues 
• Self-image
• Confidence and opinions of men

 I consider myself growing up without a father.... even though I have a step dad, He's not a bad dad but he's not the "my daughter is the apple of my eye" type dad. I can sometimes even see how he treats my younger sister differently, I don't even think he notices it... I get it..she's blood, I'm not.
But those four effects that are listed above, I don't really have.... I think its a combo of having a pretty awesome strong women for a mother and serving an awesome God, not an earthly father. 

I guess what I've come to realize throughout this blog is few things,

1. My mom is pretty amazing, and I'm glad she always told me I was beautiful as a child, and told me that she loved me and I am worth something (Kids need to hear that crap parents). Shaping my mind to understand that I don't need a mans approval to feel worthy of anything.

2. That there are spaces in your heart that only your real father can fill, and I shouldn't expect somebody else to fill them.

3. Don't let not having a father hinder you from becoming and loving who you are.

And four. Growing up knowing Jesus Christ as my father above, has played a major part in my life and if you yourself are lacking in father department... you have got to get to know this guy I call Daddy! His love is overwhelming, ask me about it..seriously.

That's all I have for you today, I worked really hard on this blog for you guys...I wrote it as if I was writing in my journal. I really hope you as a reader can understand were I'm coming from with this, and see my heart.

If you have any questions or want to share something with me, email me at, DestinyHolloway55@gmail.com

That's all for now city dreamers, keep on dreaming
xoxo,
Des.